Leaving Cert Weather

Coming June 2024.

When it's the hottest week since records began,

And you're starting to notice the farmer's tan,

It's 30 degrees and the sun splits the stones,

And the petrol station has sold out of flakes and cones.

When three bottles of factor 50 have been and gone,

And there's two more days till English paper one,

You're tossing and turning in the cot,

Unable to sleep cuz it's so f***in hot.

When you raid Penneys for the latest summer wear,

They'll shrink after one wash but you don't care,

The counterfeit shades make you feel cool,

Browsing the middle aisle in Aldi for a paddling pool.

When the roads start to melt and your face does too,

And somebody somewhere somehow has the flu,

The beer garden calls and you can't say no,

Pint of water mixed with Dioralyte and off you go.

When you see a farmer in visceral pain,

And he breaks down sobbing "Jaysus I'd love a bit of rain",

Awkwardly, you reply "Sher it's barbarous altogether",

Well that, my friend, is Leaving Cert weather.