Getting Albania in Euros Sweepstake

Ffs.

Today I done a Euros sweepstake,

It was 50 bucks a pop,

I was given Albania,

"Ah would ye ever stop!"

I stormed right into the jacks,

And locked myself in a stall,

Burst out crying uncontrollably,

And punched a hole in the wall.

A friend came in to check on me,

Asked was I feeling okay,

I grabbed him up by the scruff,

And this is what I had to say.

You see I'd rather get Italy,

Belgium, France, or Spain,

I'd rather get the Netherlands,

I'd even take Ukraine.

I'd rather get arrested,

For a crime I didn't commit,

Albania's best player is Armando Broja,

And he's barely even fit.

I'd rather have a threesome,

With Putin and Gail Platt,

Their sub keeper is Simon Simoni,

What sort of a stupid name is that?

I'd rather emigrate to Yemen,

And travel there on a Ryanair flight,

Albania are Gary Neville's dark horses,

That man loves talking shite.

I'd rather stick my fork in a toaster,

And get an electric shock,

Then I wouldn't have to watch Albania v Croatia,

On a Wednesday at 2 o'clock.

I'd rather get locked in a shed,

And listen to Lizzo on repeat,

They're 500/1 to win it,

Look, I've already accepted defeat.

Then again Ireland haven't qualified,

So I've no one else to cheer,

Greece won it in 2004,

This could be Albania's year!